Down to the depths went Elbert Hubbard

With smiling eyes that knew no fear

And all the lovely mermaids rubbered

And Neptune shouted ‘see who’s here’

Well might there be a great commotion

Throughout the sea from East to West

For seldom has Old Father Ocean

Clasped hands with such a splendid guest

The inkstand waits upon his table

His pen is rusting in the sun

There is no living hand that that’s able

To do the work he’s left undone

There is no brain so keen and witty

No voice with his caressing tones

And Elbert in the deep sea city

Is swapping yarns with Davy Jones

And all the world that reads evinces

Its sorrow that he’s dwelling there

Not all the warring kings and princes

Are worth a ringlet of his hair

Death keeps a record in his cupboard

Of victims of the monarchs hate

‘A million men and Elbert Hubbard’

So goes the tally, up to date

If it would bring you back, Elbertus

To twang your harp with golden strings

It would not worry us or hurt us

To drown a wagon load of kings